Thursday, September 2, 2010

Hey baby, wanna kill all humans?

So this is apparently a list of demands totally rational person James Lee made of the Discovery Channel yesterday at the network's Delaware offices before a police sniper turned Lee into something Mike Rowe has to clean up.
Granted it is actually a list of Lee's demands (which is debatable - it is far better written than most of the insane gibberish we usually receive here) it essentially boils down to "two legs bad, four legs good."
Still, Lee does make some compelling arguments about how filthy babies are. I mean, let's face it - those things don't even use toilets. It's pretty gross.
Anyway, here are some of my favorite bits, for those who don't like actually reading things (I'm looking at you, Delco):

"All programs on Discovery Health-TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions."
(Because squeezing out a bunch of parasites is so often linked to saving people from burning buildings.)

"Civilization must be exposed for the filth it is. That, and all its disgusting religious-cultural roots and greed. Broadcast this message until the pollution in the planet is reversed and the human population goes down! This is your obligation. If you think it isn't, then get hell off the planet! Breathe Oil! It is the moral obligation of everyone living otherwise what good are they??"
(Last two lines brought to you by your friends at British Petroleum. Now get the hell offa mah planet!)

"Develop shows that will correct and dismantle the dangerous US world economy. Find solutions for their disasterous (sic) Ponzi-Casino economy before they take the world to another nuclear war."
(Damn straight. We're still drying out from the last nuclear war, we don't need another one already. Also, fix the economy, Discovery Channel. It is your moral imperative!)

"You're also going to find solutions for unemployment and housing."

"Find ways so that people don't build more housing pollution which destroys the environment to make way for more human filth!"
(Yeah, no more housing! But find housing solutions! But also screw humans! Wait ...)

"Saving the environment and the remaning (sic) species diversity of the planet is now your mindset. Nothing is more important than saving them. The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels."
(Well of course the squirrels.)

"These are the demands and sayings of Lee."


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home