1. Each has murdered at least one kitten.
2. Their favorite snack is their own young.
3. Many in the higher echelon are actually direct descendants of Adolph Hitler.
4. They've never kissed a girl - and never will.
5. Their cellulite-ridden thighs and buttocks resemble a two-gallon dollop of cottage cheese.
6. Those who evolve to the point of opposable thumbs are immediately fired. And by fired, I mean executed.
7. The meter maids were all part of a secret experiment that replaced their human brains with that of a dog or, in some instances, large raccoon.
8. Everyone in middle management sleeps together. Upside-down. In a cave near Fairmount Park.
9. They keep the phone operators starved nearly to the point of death to achieve maximum rudeness.
10. They piddle through their small, secretive, unsatisfying lives seeking only the enjoyment garnered from projecting their pain onto others through a vicious and vulture-like ticketing system, needless bureaucracy, and general evil. EVIL I SAY!

Ah, we kid here.
But seriously, if you work for the PPA, don't ever tell me, because the first thing I will do is punch you in the face, and the second thing I will do is stand on your windpipe until something pops.